Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
