one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
