can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
