whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
