I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
