I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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