She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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