erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
