im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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