he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
