Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
