As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
