Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
