puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
