She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
so that wasnt chicken after all
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
