Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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