I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
