How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Welp...herpes.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Randomize
