hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize
