Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
