Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Well I just put wine in my tea
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
