Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
