The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
