haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
only if we run a train.
done.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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