I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
God I need to hump something, right now.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
