Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
