I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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