I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
