Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
