this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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