you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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