So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
