Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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