do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
