she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Randomize
