hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
