so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
