I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
