So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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