If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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