I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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