is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
