Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I said "one day" and that day is not today
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
