this beer tastes like vomit already
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Randomize
