dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
The cops high fived after they tackled you
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
