I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
