dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
