New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
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