and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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