i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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