i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
