I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
