State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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