I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I need to stop coming to work sober
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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