I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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